I søndags blev Dennis Milner (83) og Flora Milner (81) fundet døde i deres hjem i Newbury, England. Sagen undersøges, men burde være ret enkel at opklare. Det var en planlagt og velgennemtænkt frivillig død før de var på gravens rand. Dobbeltselvmord. Men samtidig en protestaktion, for at levere yderligere grundlag for den igangværende debat om at få hjælp til at dø. For at illustrere det alvorlige menneskelige dilemma livets sidste tid kan blive.
Tirsdag fik medierne et afskedsbrev fra parret. Mere end blot endnu et læserbrev. Et åbent brev, et debatindlæg:
To Whom It May Concern and Who May Need or Wish To Know - A Personal critical self assesment by Dennis and Flora (Billy) Milner.
Over several years, both privately - family and friends - and publicly - letters to the press (NWN; Dignity in Dying) - we have made it abundantly clear that we do not wish neither do we intend – whilst we remain in control – our lives to be extended beyond the time when we decide that the quality of life remaining available to us is no longer acceptable. It is then that we intend to terminate our lives.
We have been fortunate to have lived through and enjoyed 80 plus years of a happy, loving and exciting life. We have met and encountered hundreds of good, honest, interesting and loving people, many of whom remain or have been lifelong friends. Our loving daughter Chrissy and our loving son Ni being top of the list.
We wish to categorically state our complete disbelief in any and all gods and religions and firmly state our belief in the scientific theory of the universe and Darwin’s theory of human evolution. Notwithstanding that we enjoy to the full the atmosphere and the music which reverberates from our great cathedrals with their magnificent and mighty organs.
It would be impossible to thank all the people and organisations which every day, without fail, have contributed to our lifespan. There's just one outstanding which we think everyone would go along with, the medical profession and the NHS in which they serve. They have usefully extended our lives by at least 25-30 years.
We leave this life with just one serious and disappointing criticism of our society. Today we have been denied what we believe to be our basic human right, to terminate our own lives, in our own home, at our own choosing, with our loved ones around us, without anyone having to face any legal possibilities or harassment. Our society has denied us this right due to its misguided, incorrect, biased and hypercritical views regarding human life and religion. We sincerely die in the hope that this diabolical travesty of human rights will die along with us.
Dertil et billede af parret, samt et følgebrev:
Dear Editor,
More than 60 years ago the NWN published my first letter and as a lifelong son of Newbury I would like to request that you publish this - my final letter - together with my, To Whome It May Concern.
We have each (my Wife and I) reached the point where all the finest available treatment and TLC can no longer attain the desired and acceptable level to support an enjoyable and worthwhile life.
To force the issue beyond this point would mean for us a living death; we have therefore chosen to peacefully end our lives. This is an inevitable and ongoing serious human dilemma which needs to be urgently and positively resolved. Please help.
Yours sincerely,
Dennis Milner
Og en håndskreven tilføjelse:
Arranging this so that it does not fail has been very difficult and traumatic for us. This need not and should not be the case.
I've made many visits to friends and relatives in care homes. They cannot wash, dress, feed or toilet themselves. They cannot get out of the chair or walk. This can go on for a long time - years. Long before we reach this stage of degeneration the quality of life for us would be unacceptable, cruel and inhumane.
We had capsules during the war to avoid torture and gain peaceful death in minutes. Nembutal is perfect. Where's the freedom of choice?
BBC:
- Suicide letter couple found dead
- Suicide letter couple 'in fear'
- The Milner's suicide letter
- 'Choosing a happy death'
Det er altså meget klart at det var en velgennemtænkt beslutning, taget ud fra parrets personlige moral og forventninger til at have et liv ud over biologisk overlevelse, og plejemæssig opbevaring. Når brevet blev skrevet ca. 10 uger før det blev sendt, må det være udtryk for at de ventede indtil de følte at deres grænse var nået.
Når Dennis Milner refererede til midlet Nembutal, vil jeg gå ud fra at de afsluttede deres liv ved hjælp af dette stof. Det generiske navn for dette medikament er pentobarbital, et gammelt sovemiddel som netop er det mest udbredte stof der bruges når læger indenfor nationale loves rammer hjælper patienter med at få en planlagt og relativt blid afslutning på livet.
Ægteparret, der fik 58 gode år sammen, har i mange år selv været aktive i debatten om behovet for at mennesker ikke skal påtvinges at leve videre efter at livet holdt op med at være et gode. De mente det helt alvorligt.
Deres to børn, Chrissy og Nigel, var vidende om deres forældres planer, men ikke hvornår; kun at det ville blive før jul. De kunne altså heller ikke være til stede med et sidste farvel. Dennis og Flora ville beskytte dem mod at blive retsforfulgt og måske straffet. Det havde været smukt hvis børnene havde fået lov til at være med, de havde ingen problemer med at anerkende de gamle forældres behov for at sige stop. En livspagt der blev til en selvmordspagt.
En desværre karakteristisk del af debatten er at modstandere af at respektere retten til at dø alvorligt forvrænger omstændighederne. De mener fejlagtigt at det var udtryk for at parret var deprimerede. De mener slet ikke at det var nødvendigt for dem at dø, når det dog er sjældent at mennesker skal lide af svære fysiske smerter. Men det var jo ikke det at behovet for at dø handlede om.
Det lyder næsten skræmmende når de endda mener at mennesker ikke har ret til at have deres kære omkring sig når de dør. At de kræver en grundig undersøgelse, for at finde ud af om nogen måske har hjulpet med planen, eller bare rådgivet. Det kan da sikkert også provokere mange at Dennis og Flora Milner valgte at dø mens de stadig kunne klare sig selv, og uden livstruende diagnoser.
Parret var heldigvis i stand til selv at arrangere det fornødne. Men det var på den anden side en stor belastning at måtte gøre det i hemmelighed, endda uden at deres børn kunne være med. At vide at modstandere ville nedgøre deres minde. At samfundet svigtede dem.
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